I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There r osticjed everywhere
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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