i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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