Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
