it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize