I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
