Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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