Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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