i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
