.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
