I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
