Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
