i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
