grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
