Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
