I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
