My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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