Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize