I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
