all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
