every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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