I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
