did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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