8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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