Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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