Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
