just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
