Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize