I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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