I'm so fucking centered right now
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize