He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
