Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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