I hate your face
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
