She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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