My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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