I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
