all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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