I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
