trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My cat gives me a boner
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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