Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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