I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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