My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
