i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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