I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
