I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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