So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
