evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
