I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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