i was rollin on her like bob the builder
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize