I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize