Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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