Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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