Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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