Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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