My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
