I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
