apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
