____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
