im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
