I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
