New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
