Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
