In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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