whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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