she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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